If you missed part 4, read it here!
It’s time to bring this journey to a conclusion. If you are still with me, I didn’t take any of those job opportunities. After all of this time, I had discovered that there was a way to make money, and that it was legit. I wasn’t making money, nor had I any experience with this technique or method proper, but I committed myself to the last-leg of my trading campaign. If I don’t “get it” with this last push, then I am done, and its over. I agreed on this with my wife. I got right back on it. Less than six months later, I quit my day job to live on my savings, and to spend every waking moment with the live markets, with a determination and insanity of giving all that I have got. The sentiment was that if it doesn’t happen for me now, then it never will.
In hindsight, quitting my job was a very stupid thing to do. I had resources to live on, but it was still a little reckless. And I have glossed over the anxieties and depressions that were the resting points on what had been an exhausting process for me, since 2009. Furthermore, what I hadn’t realized when I quit my job was just how hard it was to truly trade the live markets. I had never had the ability to do so, due to compliance restrictions of my employer. Hubris or not, when I sat down to apply what I thought I had learned, trading Gold Futures of all things, I got destroyed. Banged up real bad. There were days where I didn’t see my family; I would lock myself in my office, and not allow anyone in. I just analyzed and analyzed everything I deemed important. But more often than not, I felt like I had royally and truly, without a question “fucked up”. I had had a very well-paying job. I could have had any easy life just sucking that up. But I have a deep love of the markets and trading, and a just as deep a hatred too. I admit that. Its been a dark journey for me, and I genuinely hope yours has been nothing like mine.
“Going in one more round when you don’t think you can – that’s what makes all the difference in your life.” – Rocky Balboa
The reasons why I wrote this post are all in the opening paragraphs. I never gave up. Yes, my psychology took a beating – and my body too, I no doubt- but I kept getting up. The real progress came when I was broken, depressed, lost and destroyed on all levels by this trading endeavor. But I kept getting back up from the wallowing and the tears. I got up, wiped the cheeks, and roared inside – let’s fucking do this! – And maybe all of the time I had spent was necessary. Maybe how I see what I see now in the markets couldn’t have been possible for me without the seeming missteps along the way. I don’t know. What I do know today as I write this, is that while I am not making big money or fully achieved any of the dreams I have I had yet, I am close to ‘the other side”. I can see the land I am sailing towards; the rocks, the trees, a few huts on the beach. I see a fisherman sitting on his heels thumbing a net. Its here.
If your journey has been a struggle, and if you have many times thought of giving up – just remember that you will get there. The dedication and time commitment is brutal for sure, but you can get there. Don’t let negativity take root in your soul like a weed. Tend to the garden of the mind, keep yourself healthy, and just commit to the long process…you will get it. It turns out that the markets, while tricky for sure, offer some approaches that actually do work, and there are people out there who are legit. It took me a long while to find it, but I found it. And never before in my life have I felt it strong, running through my veins. Life can only get better from here.
To you, my fellow journeymen and women: good luck. Get back up when you get knocked down, and never take your eyes off your end goal…. I hope I get to meet you on the other side.
“Cause if you’re willing to go through all the battling you got to go through to get where you want to get, who’s got the right to stop you? I mean maybe some of you guys got something you never finished, something you really want to do, something you never said to someone, something…and you’re told no, even after you paid your dues? Who’s got the right to tell you that, who? Nobody! It’s your right to listen to your gut, it ain’t nobody’s right to say no after you earned the right to be where you want to be and do what you want to do!” – Rocky Balboa
(Image Crefit: Ken Lund)
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